*Tupang ina.
abnormal?.
*define 'normal'
2. Alcoholic ka ba?
*no.
3 . how many months to go before your
birthday?
-- as if that would matter.
4. sumuka ka na ba sa sobrang hilo?
-- oo nung mga bata pa ko, pag nasasakay
ako sa mga taxi na sobra yung amoy nung
air freshener..
5 . ano pinapakinggan mo ngayon?
-- tahol ng mga askal.
6 . namamato ka ba ng bato?
-- waaaw. kawawa naman yung bato
7 . is your landline listed in the
telephone directory?
-- naturally. hehe
8. marunong ka ba gumawa ng bankang
papel?
-- gusto mo titanic? XP
9. are you reading anything right
now?
-- your questions.
10 . nakagulpi ka na ba ng tao?
-- you could say that *grins*
11 . do you have any frustrations?
-- oh yeah i have lots. they keep me
grounded. and a bit sane.
12 . nangmamanyak ka ba?
-- oh come on.
13. if given the chance, will you join
big brother?
-- sounds like fun!
14. napa iyak ka na ba sa sakit ng
katawan?
-- yes. 'sucks.
15. if someone called you right now,
would you take the call?
-- 'course.
16. do you have a favorite nursery
rhyme?
-- baa baa black sheep. i don't know why.
17. do you like your handwriting?
-- of course. they make me feel like i'm
scribbling prescriptions...very uplifting.
1 8. do you want to be a different
person in your next life?
-- i don't believe in "next life"
nonsense. we only get to live here once
and we die once...
19 . have you ever trespassed someone
else's house?
-- nope.
20. marunong ka bang mag RO?
-- oo. iniiwasan ko na maglaro ng
ganyan. delikado ako pag naadik. di ko
tatantanan yun.
21. do you think someone thinks of you
every night?
-- ahh..
22. what did you want to be when you
were young?
-- a house help. seriously. but i had to
change it to 'doctor' for the nursery
year book.
23. masakit bang masuntok?
-- -_-
24 . how many languages can you speak?
-- ah yes...i know lots. gibberish nga
lang. yay me.
25 . are you hungry?
-- i'm actually eating while answering
this. man do i need to diet! sige last
na to for tonight.
26 . nakasakay ka na ba ng kalabaw?
-- oo naman. mga estatwa nga lang. pwedi
na yon.
27. why do you answer surveys like
this one?
-- wala kasing magawa.
28. nayakap mo na ba crush mo before?
-- sya nga yung yakap ng yakap sa ken
non eh hahahaha (uy me magrireact)
2 9. last food you ordered at
jollibee?
- - chicken steak, sundae, fries, yum
burger.
30. naglalaro ka ba ng apoy?
-- bailamossss...wala lang. random thought.
3 1 . the last person to text you?
-- di ko alam
*If others can't why, why can't I!
aking mga napulot kung san san. hwenjoy.
*******
This is a Filipino making a long distance phone call....
Operator: AT&T, How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you're calling?
Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio
Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling
phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at
a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio
Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali,
Elpidio: E as in Elpidio,
L as in lpidio,
p as in pidio,
i as in idio,
d as in dio,
i as in io,
and o as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel:
A as in Airport agen,
B as in Because,
A as in airport agen,
N as in enemy,
Q as in Cuba,
U as in Europe,
E as in important, and
L as in elephant.
************
This is a Filipino in an American coffee shop:
Waiter: What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?
Pinoy: No, Big cup!! Big cup!
Waiter: What would you like for your breakfast?
Pinoy: Hameneggs.
Waiter: And how do you like your eggs, sir?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I like dem beri much.
Waiter: No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I wud like dem cooked.
Waiter: (with increasing impatience) Would you like your eggs...fried?
poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?
Pinoy: (with increasing uneasiness) Yes, one fried en one hard boiled
or sop boiled.
Waiter: And what bread would you like?
Pinoy: Begyurpardon?
Waiter: What kind of bread would you like? white? rye? whole wheat?
toast?
Pinoy: Pan Americano
Waiter: We don't have that.
Pinoy: Okey, gib me taystee.
Waiter: We don't have that either, sir.
Pinoy: Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?
Waiter: Sir, you are wasting my time. I shall ask for the last time,
what would you like for breakfast?
Pinoy: Donut plis....
***********
Two married men talking...
1st man: Swerte ko, my wife is an angel.
2nd man: Buti ka pa, ako ang asawa ko buhay pa.
**********
Wife : Love, mahal mo ba ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife : Enjoy ka ba sa akin?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife : Baka naman niloloko mo lang ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
*********
BISAYA 1 : Unsay ibig sabihon ng " cooling place " ?
BISAYA 2 : Pag-naga ring ang fon, sabihin mo " Hilow, hus cooling
place?
*******
A man wanted to buy bra for his wife but doesn't know the size.
Salesgirl ask : " Is it as big as papaya ? "
Man replied : " No "
Salesgirl : " an apple "
Man : " No "
Salesgirl : " ahh..an egg ? "
Man : " YES , but fried ! "
***********
A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a drink.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, "Whoever can use the
words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for
tonight."
So the White guy says "I love liver and cheese."
She says "That's not good enough"
The Black man says "I hate liver and cheese"
She says "That's not creative"
Finally, the Filipino says "Liver alone, cheese mine!"
What's the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in
the Philippines?
In the US, they go to jail. In the Philippines, they go to US!
Bakit laging Intsik ang kinikidnap?
Kasi pag Pinoy - hulugan!
Pag Bumbay - 5-6!
Pag Kano - credit card!
E pag Intsik - C.O.D.!!
*********
A black baby was given a pair of wings by a fairy....
Baby: does this mean im an angel??
Fairy laughs....
Fairy: Of course not! negrang 'to, ambisyosa! Paniki ka!
(salbahe naman haha)
********
Nanay: anak, hindi ka ba nahihiya??! linis ako nang linis dito tapos
ikaw, naglalaro lang jan?!!
Anak: Nay, hindi ba mas nakakahiya kung ako ang naglilinis jan at
ikaw ang naglalaro dito??
*******
doc: iho, bakit mu naman sinapak ung lalaki kanina?
Boy: e doc, nakita niya na ninenerbyos ako ako sa resulta ng AIDS
test!
tapos sasabihin pa niya...
THINK POSITIVE
*********
BEST OF BEAUTY PAGEANT BLOOPERS!
Host: Saan ang dream vacation mo?
Contestant : Amangpulo.
###########
Host : What was the very first gift that you gave to your
girlfriend?
Male Contestant : Uhmm...taptoy.
Host: What taptoy?
Male Contestant : Taptoy na teddy bird.
############
Host: What's your ideal age for marriage?
Girl:Uhm, uhm, I am not sure....
Host:Hindi, kunwari ikaw, more or less.
Girl:Uhmm. more. (Crowd booing... ) Sige, Sige. Less,less....
############
Host:If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to
showcase the beauty of the Philippines?
Girl Contestant:Bocaue.
Host: Bocaue. Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Phils? Why Bocaue?
Girl: Because it's a magnificent place.
Host: Which part of Bocaue?
Girl:The Bocaue Rice Terraces. (Banaue Kaya Yon!!)
############
The contestant, presenting herself, talks into the mic and says, "Hi!
I'm Cristine Reyes from Bagiuo.," and then she turns around, walks a little,
goes back then yells at the top of her lungs! Then shouts,
"CITYYYYYYYY!!!!"
############
(From Little Miss Philippines)
Host: Anong gusto mo pag-laki mo?
Girl: Maging lalaki po!
############
Host: Who's your favorite author?
Contestant: Danielle Steele
Host: Why Danielle Steele?
Contestant: Because, because.Danielle Steele, I like best.
############
Host: How would you like me to address you?
Contestant: My address is Project 8, Quezon City.
############
Host: What is your best feature?
Contestant: My graduation feature.
############
Host: So tell us, why did join this contest?
Contestant: Me, join this contest, why did I????? Thank you!
############
Host: What do you want to be after you graduate?
Contestant: I want to be a successful Medicine.
############
Host: Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube. Pero tinatawag itong boobtube. Ano ito?
Contestant : BRA!
############
Host: What is you favorite motto?
Contestant: If others can't why, why can't I!
############
Host : What would you like to say to foreigners?
Contestant: Please come back.
############
(From gay beauty contest)
Host: What is the one thing that symbolizes happiness for you?
Gay contestant: (Stops, thinks and then smiles.) EGGPLANT PO!
############
Host : What is your typical day?
Contestant : I think Saturday po!
############
(From gay contest)
Host: Ano ang advantage mo sa ibang contestant?
Gay Contestant : I think and believe na bilang isang bading......ano nga
po ulit yung question?
############
Host: Which part of your body is your best asset?
Contestant : (Believe it or not she answered) Si Melanie Marquez po!
############
Host : What is your favorite motto?
Contestant : (After a long pause) I don't have a motto eh. (So the crowd
starts helping her out. The crowd starts saying "Time is gold! Time is
gold!")
Contestant : I have na po. Chinese gold!
############
Host : If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person, how would you do it?"
Contestant: That's a very good question. Keep it up. (Then the girl turns and walks away.)
############
Host: So, you're vegetarian, what is your favorite vegetable?
Contestant : I like potatoes, tomatoes, beans and what's that na nga?
KALABASH?
############
Host : Who is your favorite fictional character?
Girl : JOSE RIZAL! (Crowd starts laughing.)
Host : Who is your favorite hero then?
Girl: Hulk Hogan.
############
Host : If you were to become a superhero, what would your power be?
Girl Contestant: Uhmm... a bumble bee!
############
Host : What is your edge over the other contestants?
Girl Contestant : My edge.... 23 years old.
############
Host : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Between 24 and 25!
############
Host : How do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Girl : I'll be 28 years old.
############
Host : Describe your love one in three words.
Girl : Kahit nga po 1 word, kaya ko.
Host : OK, sige!
Girl : In one word, MY LIFE!
############
Host : If you were given any special power, what would it
be?
Girl : Power of Attorney!
############
Host : So you like reading, who's your favorite author?
Girl : Uhmm, Shakespeare.
Host : What works of Shakespeare?
Girl : Hindi ko po alam eh, depende.....
Host : But he's your favorite.
Girl : Eh kasi patay na sya eh.
############
Host : What is the biggest problem facing the youth today?
Girl : Drugs.
Host : Why?
Girl : Mahal eh!
############
Host : What is the essence of being gay?
Contestant : I'm proud to be gay because what is naked is essential to
the eye!
############
Host : What makes you blush?
Girl : Blush on!
############
Host : What is the essence of a man?
Gay Contestant : Testicles!
############
Host : Hey, I heard you almost didn't make it, how did you get here?
Did you ride or did you walk?
Gay Contestant : Of course, did you ride. What do you think of me, did you walk?
*Dear Anak,
Naipadala ko na ang 50 thousand pesos na tuition fee mo, pinagbili na namin mga kalabaw natin. Ang mahal pala ng kursong DOTA, wala na din pala tayong baboy naibenta na din para dun sa sinasabi mo na project nyo na NOKIA N95, ang mahal naman ng project nayun. kasama din ang 7 thousand dun para sa field trip nyo sa MALL OF ASIA, anak malayo ba yun mag ingat ka sa pagbibiyahe mo, isasanla pala namin ang palayan natin para mabili mo na ung instrumentong I-POD na kinakailangan mo sa laboratory nyo.
Anak komportable kaba jan sa boarding house mo san ba kamu yan? sa VICTORIA COURT, maganda ba dyan? di ba mainit dyan? Anak, kamusta na pala yung group project nyo na SANMIG LIGHT napailaw nyo na ba? mataas ba nakuha nyo na grado dun.
Anak sana bago pa maubos ang lahat lahat ng arian natin ay maka gradweyt kana, walong taon ba talaga ang kurso mo sa SECRETARIAL, sana pag gradweyt mo makakuha ka ng trabaho kaagad kagaya ng manager ng kumpanya para mabawi natin ang mga ari arian nating sa sanglaan. ay cya nga pala anak diba sabi mo sa JOLLIBEE / MAK DONALD ka palagi kumakain ok ba naman sayo ang mga ulam dyan baka hindi masarap kawawa ka naman.Eh yung school bus nyo na TAXI sabihin mo sa driver mag ingat cya sa pag dri-drive.
Anak hanggang dito na lang at sa susunod ay ipapadala ko sayo ang pera na pambili mo ng ALTIS na gagamitin mo sa VACANT SUBJECT mo.
Ang nagmamahal
Itang at Inang
P.S. Anak mag aral ka ng mabuti
*Napanood mo ba yung Project Runway Canada? gosh, *_*
I call it. . .'Chad in Vain'. . .
XD
(I just had to remove his email, by the way if suki ka ng dominican school, you'll know this guy)
*Sinong may gusto ng Photoshop CS3? PM niyo lang ako. (libre to, promise!)
To be honest, hindi pa ako nakagamit ni-once ng Photoshop.ever. Coz if i did, i would be addicted to it. So, ginagamit ko lang ay MS Paint at MS Word. :D
Another hilarious video from her that made us laugh.
And which is surprising because she spoke filipino fluently
(which she doesn't know how to) .
It's Anaw and Kath,
apparently there wasn't anything good to do.
Just looking at it makes me laugh. Bakit blue? ewan ko.
